There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
