I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
