No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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