how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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