i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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