I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
