RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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