i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
