Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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