Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
