I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
