We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
