need another drink. this is the easiest way
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
