I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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