i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
