Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
