Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i've created a new STD.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
