I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
