in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
