jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
