your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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