Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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