My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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