even my farts smell like vagina
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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