end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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