No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
