omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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