she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My vagina is officially offended.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
