it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
