guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
