He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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