I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
