I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
