The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
