Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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