This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hippo gnu deer
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
