Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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