its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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