if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
