Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
