OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
