After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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