he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
