I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
