i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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