Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
