i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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