Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
