apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
