before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
