I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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