There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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