She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i dont even know how to be here
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
