It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
