Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I love you.
Bad choice
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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